Phone conversation dated 5-Aug 2018:

Guha: This is no ordinary thing. When it happens it will be self-evident, you will not need to tell anyone nor need any explanation. There will be a joy like you have never known before. And you will never know the reason because it is acausal. The old man of Dakshineshwar used to talk about this acausal love or joy.

When your hunger is great, what will you do when you see food? You will devour it, no?! Similarly, when your innate desire for harmony is intense, and when such a person comes into your life, what will happen?! You will forget everything else! Then there’s no thought or time! But you are always thinking when you read the scriptures or about the spiritual experiences of others or when you go to gurus. They are either dead or fake. They cannot produce anything. Only the real thing works. But I cannot create that hunger in anyone. 

Tanusri: I have seen you have no discrimination. Your door is open to anyone who is serious.

G: Should I tell you something?

T: Sure, please.

G: Where there is love, there can be no fear!

T: There can be no darkness near the sun!

Later …

G: I discovered that our ideas about spirituality mean nothing. Whatever happened to me was acausal. Life does not depend on anything. It is like a river in spate. It doesn’t care about the bank. It will flood everything and move like crazy as it wants. It doesn’t care about what we think or want. It has its own flow. Nobody can inhibit it!

T: How soon will I see you?

G: See, I have a strange confidence. Life’s innate demand will work things out for itself.

T: You know, I never went to any gurus in the marketplace. I used sit in my room and cry wishing for someone real to show up in my life! Then suddenly you came! You say, “Even if a flower blooms in the desert, bees somehow find their way to it!”

Later …

G: You know, all the spiritual people in the market have read about this state and its signs like one cannot eat, can sleep very little, cannot have sex, have no fear etc., and they try to imitate or copy these behaviours to gain social favours and prestige. And gullible people give them money. There is nothing more to it. For me, I don’t need anything or anybody, not even UG!

T: Although I had read about UG so intently, the moment I met you, I forgot all about him.

G: How can you think of anything else when something so engaging is happening in your life?!

T: That is true! I am writing down everything you have been saying over the last few days. They are hot, fresh out of the oven!

G: Very good! What is that song by Meerabai which you sang, in which she says, “Father, mother none are dear to me …”?

T: “Taat maat bandhu bhrat, aapno na koi, chhaar dayi kul ki kaani, kya karega koi” (sings)

(Father, mother, friends or brother, none are dear to me
Family name and prestige have lost their value,
What can anybody do about it?)

G: I always wonder what you see in me. I don’t see anything in myself!

T: Like the fire cannot burn itself!

G: You should write about your life. Write about everything just the way you feel.

T: Whenever I try to write I am overwhelmed by the thought, “How can I express something that is so beyond my comprehension, yet as real as daylight?”

G: Just start writing and it will flow.

In New Jersey

Photo by Radhika Venugopal